(The scene is Xeno’s workplace, a small occult goods shop. Xeno is working the register as a group of teenagers in dark clothes leave, all chattering amongst themselves about the last fight between good and evil they saw on the news.)
Xeno: You know, it seems like the only people who actually like villains these days are those annoying spooky kids.
Dougal (stocking shelves a little bit away): What’s there to like about villains?
Xeno: I don’t know. They’re a lot more interesting than heroes? I mean, when I was a kid it was cool to have a favorite villain.
Gale (at the other register): When we were kids, we had cool villains. But Professor Pain locked up most of them before he disappeared, and anyone left over went and retired. Now we’ve just got lame ones.
Xeno: Hey, they’re not all lame!
Dougal (walking over, carrying an empty box): Who’s your favorite, Xeno?
Xeno: Ah—Omen, of course.
Gale: Omen’s lame.
Xeno: He is not!
Dougal: He’s okay. Seems like he’s missing something, though.
Xeno: Missing something? Like what?
Gale: Like an evil laugh.
Xeno: A what?
Gale: You know, like, “Bwa ha ha ha ha!” or something. I don’t know. That Baron von Boom loser seems to have a decent one. Any villain worth anything has a good evil laugh.
Dougal: I don’t think I’ve heard Omen laugh even once.
Gale: Yeah. It’s like he doesn’t even enjoy being evil. What the hell is the point in that?
Xeno: There’s a lot more to being evil than just laughing, I’m sure.
Gale: Yeah, but there’s no way any villain can get taken seriously unless he has a good laugh. That’s a rule! (He looks at Dougal) Am I right?
Dougal: Maybe.
Xeno: Jeez…
(Later that day, Xeno trudges into the apartment after a long day of work)
Xeno: I’m home.
Selan (doing her Japanese homework): Iie! You’re supposed to say “Tadaima”!
Xeno (bewildered, but playing along): Tadaima.
Selan: Okairinasai~!
Xeno: …. Riiiight. (He walks over to the couch, where Selan is working) Hey, Selan.
Selan: Hai?
Xeno: Do I have a good evil laugh?
Selan: I don’t know, do you?
Xeno: Have I ever done an evil laugh?
Selan: Not that I’m aware of.
Xeno: Do you think I need to?
Selan: Selan thinks you’ve been doing fine without one.
(Selanio walks out of his room)
Selanio: Wait, what’s this? Selan’s saying that Xeno doesn’t need an evil laugh?
Selan: He’s cool without one!
Selanio: Hah! Right. And moose fly!
Selan: Sure they can!
Selanio: Only on Christmas, and that doesn’t count.
Selan: Oh…
Xeno: What the hell are you two going on about?
Selanio: That’s not important! What’s important is that you need an evil laugh!
Selan: Here, Xeno, just laugh.
Xeno: Ahaha?
Selanio: Nyet! Wrong!
Selan: Here, more like this: (She takes a breath) Eheheh… heh… Ahahahaha!!
Selanio: Also wrong!
Selan: What’s wrong with Selan’s laugh?
Selanio: Everything. Here, mortals, listen and learn the glory of Baron von Boom’s evil laugh!
(Selanio belts out a loud, long evil laugh.)
Selan: … Selan has been outclassed TToTT
Xeno: I’m not laughing like that!
Selanio: Why not?
Xeno: Because I’ll sound like some kind of nutcase!
Selanio: This is the point.
Selan: Aww, come on, Xeno. Just try it.
Xeno (sighing and rolling his eyes): Okay… (He clears his throat) Bwahahahahaha!
Selanio: No. Terrible.
Selan: I dunno, I thought that wasn’t bad.
Selanio: Your opinion doesn’t count. You have a lousy laugh too.
Selan: You jerk =<
Selanio: Here, you must imagine that you’re doing something incredibly evil.
Xeno: Like what?
Selanio: Like… burning down an orphanage. Or kidnapping the president.
Selan: Selan doesn’t think she’d be laughing if she did those things.
Selanio: That’s because you aren’t evil.
Selan: I am so!
Selanio: You are not. Selanio decrees this.
Xeno: Actually, kidnapping the president could be pretty funny…
Selanio: There! Now imagine all the hilarious shit you could pull with a kidnapped president and laugh!
Xeno: Okay… okay… hilarious president antics… Heheh… Heheheh… Hahahahaha!
Selanio: … No. Something isn’t right.
Selan: Xeno isn’t the crazy laughing type! Selan thinks he’d be better off with a subtle chuckle.
Selanio: But those are no fun!
Selan: They’re no fun for you because you are the crazy laughing type. Here, Xeno, just try a chuckle.
Xeno: Er… (he chuckles)
Selan: I think that’s the best one so far.
Selanio: That’s so boring!
Selan: I think it suits him!
Xeno: Yeah, I think everything else just kinda feels weird.
Selan: Selan thinks she’s just going to stick with an evil giggle. Selanio’s right, my laugh sucks. But I’m a girl so I can giggle. Eheehee.
Selanio: You all suck. Next time I’m leader, I’m ordering you all to laugh properly.
Xeno: Oh, not this again… I thought you were done with all this “I should be leader” bullshit after you nearly got Selan killed.
Selan: Selan was fine! I swear.
Selanio: Selanio SHOULD be leader! I just need to study how to be a good leader a little. u_u You’ll see. Someday Selanio will be the leader and it will be AWESOME.
Selan (deciding to derail this argument): Maybe when we make that website, we should have sound clips of our evil laughs.
Selanio: Only of mine. Your laughs both suck.
Xeno: Your laugh is way too over-the-top.
Selan: It’s good but ours are good too!
Selanio: Yeah, right…
Selan: Look, look, look… Selan has a way to end this argument.
Xeno: Yeah?
Selan: Yes. Let’s go terrorize civilians and see whose laugh scares people the most >3
Selanio: Oh, I’ll win that, easy!
Xeno: Yeah, right. They might run away because you’re too loud…
(They all start going to their rooms to change, still arguing across the house)
Selan: I’ll win! There’s nothing scarier than a cute girl giggling while trying to kill you!
Selanio: Hah! Selan is DREAMING!
(And so on and so forth, the argument continuing as they make their way into the city to cause some more mayhem…)
--End: Episode four.
Selan: Apogee, before we start fighting… honest opinion: Which of us has the best evil laugh?
Apogee: What?
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