[EP009] Damn!

(The scene is a public middle school. It’s lunchtime, and most of the students are in the cafeteria eating. Two kids, however, have snuck out and are sitting outside on a deserted side of the school.)

Ann: So that’s what all happened?

Brian (nodding): Yeah. I nearly had her, if only that stupid Omen hadn’t stepped in.

Ann: That seems so mean.

Brian: What?

Ann: I’m sure she thought that you were telling her to put up a barrier so she wouldn’t get hurt, but then you zapped her. It doesn’t seem fair.

Brian: It’s her own fault for letting her guard down. If she ever went up to me and said, “Hey, wanna see this thing I can do?” you know what I’d say? I’d say fuck no. Because I know better.

Ann: I know, but… what if you had killed her?

Brian: Honestly? I think I’d have been pretty pleased with myself.

Ann: …

Brian: … (He sighs) Look, Ann, I’m going to be honest with you: I’m a bad person. I’m the kind of person that can do terrible things and not feel particularly upset about it. I could have killed her that day and I really wish I had. That’s just who I am. And I know that you’re not like that.

Ann: Brian—

Brian: You don’t have to be involved with this. I never forced you to join me and if you wanted to leave I wouldn’t hold it against you. I understand completely. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.

Ann: No, I—I’ve told you before, Brian. I just want you to be happy. And if you think that this will make you happy, then I want to be right there with you.

Brian: Ann, I—er… thank you.

(Brian leans in toward Ann, and their lips are almost touching when the bell rings)

Brian: Damn!

Ann (grabbing her bag): We’re going to be late, come on.

(The two rush inside and to their next class. They just barely make it in before the second bell rings, and they sit down at their desks next to the far wall, with Ann sitting behind Brian.)

Teacher: Good afternoon, class! I hope you enjoyed yesterday’s lecture about college. Keeping up with this week’s college theme, we have an actual college student here to talk about her experiences.

Brian (turning toward Ann): Groooaaan.

Ann: Oh, don’t be that way, it could be interesting.

(The door opens and who walks in? None other than Selan herself! She stands at the front of the room and raises her arms.)

Selan: Hi guys! I’m Selan and I’m a real-live college student! BE AFRAID.

(The class just kinda sits there silently, not looking very scared. The teacher leaves to go do whatever it is that teachers do when someone else is watching their class.)

Selan: Mmyep, college. Now, I may be here just for the extra credit, but I swear I’m not like reading a script or anything. So let’s see, um… College is neat. And it’s expensive. Ohh gods, get lots of scholarships because you know textbooks? Like the ones in your lockers? Well, one this big, (She motions with her hands) costs like two hundred bucks. I’m not making this up.

(Meanwhile, Brian is staring at Selan, a look of deep concentration on his face.)

Selan: And like, when a teacher says attendance isn’t mandatory? That’s a TRAP. Go to class, guys. Trust me on this one.

(Brian blinks, something’s finally clicked in his brain. He gets out a piece of paper and scribbles a note, which he discreetly passes to Ann.)

(She reads it. It says:
It’s Lady Ira. That’s her.
Ann writes on the note,
Are you sure? Why doesn’t anyone recognize her?
And passes it back to Brian. He replies with,
Why doesn’t anyone ever recognize US?
Ann replies,
Good point. What should we do?
Brian’s last response is,
I have a plan. We’ll discuss it later.
And they stop exchanging notes.)

(After class, Brian and Ann rush out to the halls.)

Brian (speaking in a whisper so other people won’t hear): This is perfect. We can attack and get her completely off-guard! We could probably use her as bait to bring the rest of her group to us and…

Ann: What about class?

Brian: We’ve only got two more, we can skip and—No, no, that’s conspicuous. You go to class, I’ll take care of this. Head to the hideout after you get out, okay?

Ann (nodding): Okay. Good luck.

(Ann runs off to get to her next class. Brian sees Selan exit the classroom and he follows her, hidden in the crowd. Eventually she exits the building and he follows, quietly, reaching into his backpack…)

Selan (getting her cell phone out): Aww man, Xeno’s at work by now. I don’t wanna have to ride with Selanio…

(She starts to dial Selanio’s number, but is cut short when a taser dart hits her in the back of the neck. A shock of electricity goes through her and she falls to the ground, unconscious. Brian looks around to see if there are any witnesses—there aren’t, and he picks her up, with some difficulty. He activates the jetpack hidden in his backpack and flies off.)

(A little over an hour later, Ann enters her and Brian’s secret headquarters, wearing her Chandra costume. She finds Brian, now dressed as Quantum, sitting at a desk with Selan’s cell phone in hand)

Quantum: Hey Ann. Ask me how perfectly this plan is working out.

Chandra: How perfectly?

Quantum: Pretty damn perfectly! (He laughs, holding out the cell phone) Look at this. She’s got photos assigned to each person on her contact list—here’s two that should look familiar to you… “Xeno” (he holds up the phone to show a picture of Xeno) and “Selanio” (he pushes a few buttons and shows her a picture of Selanio).

Chandra: Omen and the Baron, I assume?

Quantum: Damn right. I’ve already called Baron von Boom—sorry, ”Selanio”, and told him we have her. I told him I’d call again with information as to where to meet us and everything… we’ve got to set something up so that everything will be in our favor.

Chandra: Where’s Ira?

Quantum: In the other room, I’ve got her in that cage. Told you we’d need it.

Chandra: Have you talked to her at all?

Quantum: Pfft, no. You know how much she annoys me.

Chandra: I’m going to go check on her.

Quantum: Okay.

(Chandra walks down a hall and into another room. Selan is sitting in a metal cage that isn’t tall enough for her to be able to stand up in, listening to her iPod. She takes her earbuds out upon seeing Chandra.)

Selan: Heeeeey. Does Quantum have my phone? I can’t find it.

Chandra: Yeah, he has it.

Selan: Can I have it back? I’m bored out of my mind here. I’ve got Tetris on that thing.

Chandra: I don’t think he’s going to give it to you.

Selan: You sure?

Chandra: I’m pretty positive, yeah.

Selan: Well, then you go tell Brian he’s a jerk. u_u

Chandra: … Um… say that again?

Selan (smiling): Tell Brian that he is a jerk.

Chandra: Ah… uh oh.

(Chandra runs back to the first room)

Chandra: Brian, you didn’t tell her your real name, did you?

Quantum: Of course not. Why the hell would I do that?

Chandra: Well, she knows it.

Quantum: What?!

Chandra: She knows your name.

(Quantum stands and stomps down the hall. He finds Selan sitting with a very smug smile on her face.)

Quantum: What the hell is going on here?

Selan: Selan doesn’t have any idea what you’re talking about.

Quantum: Don’t give me that bullshit! How’d you find out my name?!

Selan: Selan should ask the same question. Or—oh! I see. You’re those kids from the middle school, aren’t you? The ones that were passing notes. That’s not polite, you know.

Quantum (pulling his laser from his belt): Stop fucking around and answer my question.

Selan (shrugging): Well, you know, Omen’s been keeping an eye on you two with his powers and all, and the other day he just sort of stumbled upon your secret identities and where you live~!

Chandra (whispering to Quantum): This is bad.

Quantum (nodding at Chandra’s statement): How come you didn’t do anything about it before?

Selan: What, like attack you when you’re at home? Ahahaaa, Selan isn’t that crass, unlike someone I know. I’m sure the Baron would’ve wanted to, but we didn’t tell him… I’m sure Omen will be happy to share the information, though, once he knows you’ve got me.

Quantum: … shit! Shit! We’re fucked!

Chandra: Calm down, Brian, calm down…

Quantum: I will not calm down! We are so fucking fucked! They could go to Apogee and tell him where to find me, or—or— (he whispers to Ann) What if they tell my mom what I’ve been doing?!

Chandra: Your mom? Wouldn’t it be worse if they told my dad? You know, my dad the cop?

Quantum: We’re so fucked.

Selan: You know, there’s an easy solution to all this…

Chandra: Hm? What’s that?

Selan: Let me go before Omen and the Baron do anything rash, of course!

Quantum: But—

Chandra: You’re not seriously going to argue with her.

Quantum: … God. I hate this. This was so perfect.

Chandra: Well it’s not perfect now. Where’re the keys?

(Quantum reaches into his pocket and procures a key, which he dejectedly hands to Chandra. She unlocks the cage, and Selan crawls out. She stretches a bit, then holds her hand out to Quantum.)

Selan: Selan no denwa o kudasai?

(Brian assumes Selan is talking about her phone, which he hands to her. He opens his mouth to speak, but Selan’s phone chooses this moment to ring. She looks at it, sees that Xeno is calling, and answers it.)

Selan: Haaaaai, moshi moshi? … No, it’s cool, Selan took care of the situation. … you bet I did. … Aww, was the Baron worried? … (she laughs) I’m sure he did! Aww, well anyway, I’ll give you a call once I know where I am so you know where to pick me up, ‘kay? … ‘Kay. Hugs and love! Bye.

(She hangs up)

Selan: There we go, crisis averted. <3

Quantum: Whoopee. 9_9

Selan (looking at her phone): So you were using my phone, hmm? Ahh, so you must’ve figured out Omen and the Baron’s identities, huh?

Chandra: Yes, sorry.

Quantum: You don’t have to apologize for that.

Selan: So it looks like we’re gonna have to set down some ground rules, here.

Quantum: I guess so, yes.

Selan: Okay so basically… let’s just pretend like we don’t know anything, right? If we’re in public and in costume, we don’t call each other by each other’s real names and vice versa. We don’t attack each other’s alter egos, don’t attack each other at home, et cetera et cetera.

Quantum: Right…

Chandra: Sounds simple enough to me.

Selan: Okay! Remember, only losers blow each others’ covers, yeah?

Chandra: Right. n_n

Selan: Okay. Wanna show me out?

Chandra: I will. This way.

(Chandra leads Selan down a long corridor, which eventually leads to a ladder. They climb up the ladder, which leads to a manhole hidden in the middle of nowhere, behind some bushes.)

Selan (looking down at Chandra as she’s getting out of the manhole): So uh… when you’re in that skirt, you don’t let Quantum climb below you, do you?

Chandra: Hm? No. Why?

Selan: He could look up and see up your… no, never mind.

Chandra (giggling): Oh, don’t worry, he wouldn’t do that.

Selan: So where are we, anyway?

Chandra: The highway is just past those trees, there. We’re near exit 90, I think.

Selan: Okay, cool. (She dials Xeno’s number, but stops before pressing the call button) Hey, sorry I ruined your plan. It was a pretty decent plan, if not a little low. But, you know, I really don’t much like being used as bait to lead my friends to their doom.

Chandra: No, I understand completely, it’s okay.

Selan: Thanks. And now that we know each others’ secret identities, maybe we could hang out sometime! If Quantum won’t have an aneurysm, that is.

Chandra: I wouldn’t mind that. n_n

Selan: Cool! Okay. Calling Xeno now.

(Selan calls Xeno and tells him her location while Ann returns to the hideout. Ten minutes later Xeno picks Selan up and they head home.)

--End: Episode nine.